Remember when you were a little girl, you would sit there by the window with your ponytails and day dream of your fantasy man. You dreamed of him being a prince charming like in Cinderella and will sweep you away like Aladdin on his magic carpet. But as you got older you realized your fantasy was just that, a fantasy. The more mature you became the more relationships you got involved in and the more men u fell in love with the more you saw the love world for what it really was..Thats exactly how it was for me about years ago when I was a little girl I thought of my life and imagined it to be completely different by this age. I realized and learned so much. I dream t about love since I was a little girl but as I grew older the sweet became really sour. The perfect image I dream t about no longer seemed perfect.
I started dating when I was really young. You remember those puppy love crushes you had and you would give little kisses and play truth and dare games. But for me at 11 I imagined my boyfriend as a real boyfriend and I had taken the relationship at the time seriously. I was just a kid but I believe the fact I lacked love at home I was always seeking it else where.
I remember when I had my first heart break in my adolescence. I remember crying and I never forgotten the boy name. I remember being a kid in elementary school always chasing after some boy, little did I know those behaviors would of become a pattern in my adult life.
As I grew older my object of affection became stronger and I felt like I needed a man, I felt like I had to have somebody and I wasn't complete if I didn't have anybody. I felt empty when I was alone and I felt weak when I was single.
When I fell in love for the first time at 15 that's when it really hit me, that I had a love issue but I thought hey no one wants to be alone, so it's perfectly normal for me to love this way. When I hit 17 and fell in love again and than at 19 when I fell in love really hard it still didn't click in that I could not stand the fact of being a lone and I had to have someone in my life whether it was good for me or not.
I made a promise to follow another love of mines which was my career. I promised to myself at that moment I will never put a man before my career.
I had to realize that I had to love myself first and far most. I had to accept that I had some flaws that had to fixed and molded before I gave myself away to anyone.
But I face my reality, I accepted my issues and day by day I am modeling each one. I got learn me, learn what I like, learn what I love, learn what is fun. I have to admit there is the thought of course in the back of my mind of will I ever meet the right guy and will I ever have the wonderful joy of being in love.
But this is good for me now, I' ve been more focused on my career. I ve been more ambitious, more intelligent, made wiser choices, and definitely had the chance to discover myself. At times I will catch myself looking at a couple and wonder to myself but I know I am different and I know that God loves me and that I love myself and I know that one day when the time is right the right guy will meet me and love me for who I am and accept me for who I am and he will appreciate the hard work I did on myself and he will get to love me for me...the real me.
Love,
Karisma